Tennessee Williams said “Home is where you hang your youth”Is that so?If you leave your home and live somewhere else for a while sooner or later you begin to feel this itchy feeling that you wanna go “home”, see everyone, see everything, have your favorite coffee in your favorite coffee shop. You think more and more, you assure yourself that this feeling is real. Finally you gather your last money that you could spent on a new plasma TV and go “home”.You feel happy, see everyone (hopefully they find time for you between their work and their better friends), go to your favorite places, walk your favorite streets, walk them again then walk them again…then coffee shop…yes, you should fucking remind yourself it is your favorite and you super missed it!Yes, you begin to feel the same as you used to when you left your “home” (maybe because you left it) like it is a cell. Welcome “home” baby!Now I just remembered words of Captain Benjamin L. Willard (”Apocalypse Now”) when he came back to Vietnam from “home” “They weren’t looking for anything more than a way home. Trouble is, I’d been back there, and I knew that it just didn’t exist anymore.”The thing was home really didn’t exist anymore. I was more there than here. But there wasn’t home, here felt like it when I was there but doesn’t feel like it anymore when I’m here (”home”’). It wasn’t a strike or a thought, it was realization – there is no “home” anymore. There is just me. The only warmth from “home” that I may find for myself is inside of me.It does hurt though, sort of pitiness and loneliness and sadness… but you coming closer to something bigger through it… maybe one little step on the endless way to “real freedoms”.
P.S. found that in my old notes 🙂